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Complaints of children in two different households of divorced or separated parents

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

In my legal practice and personal experience, children residing in two households when parents are divorced/separated can experience certain difficulties.

To support and understand them better, it is helpful to understand their complaints and entertain solutions.

The 10 universal complaints by children

1. The number-one complaint is the packing and moving of their stuff between the households. It can also be exhausting for some, especially if the parenting plan has too many swapping per week or if distances are too far to travel.

2. Forgetting an item during the visit to the previous house, especially a school or clothing item.

3. Missing out on friends and school activities if the parents stay in different towns.

4. The disruption of routine and having two bedrooms.

5. Missing a sibling if they are not primarily staying in the same house.

6. Missing pets in the other house.

7. Difficulty studying in two different houses.

8. Although there are a lot of divorced families, the children sometimes experience the embarrassment of having two households.

9. The fear of interrogation of what happened at the house of the other parent, and causing trouble.

10. If special holidays like Christmas, Easter etc. are not allocated peacefully between the parents, the stress they experience to be at the right household on the day without displeasing a parent.

Solutions to make it easier

Make a fixed packing list of things that the child can use each time they need to pack. Let each house have a set/s of the most things, making the packing and forgetting less. Don’t ask about the other parent or other sensitive questions on average upon their return. Divorced parents can annually, and in advance, plan the parenting plan – contact times and holidays. It gives comfort and certainty to all. Keep the contact-swopping between the two houses to minimum intervals to avoid too much swopping, unless the children are of a young age.

Rise and radiate!

Once you rise and radiate, you can radiate the love and goodness of God to others!

Coach Mimi Karstel

Rise & Radiate Life Coaching

Mimi is a practising litigation attorney who is also qualified as a pastoral therapist, life coach (UK) and a family and divorce mediator.

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ParentingPress ReleaseSafetyTeen

Teens and tweens are watching porn – and we need to talk about it

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

Parents of today’s adolescents grew up in a world where pornography was something you had to get your hands on, which was difficult to do while you were underage. There wasn’t much of it around to start with, and then there was a host of regulations and restrictions that limited the range and possibility for adolescents to be exposed to adults-only content. While you might have managed to find the odd magazine under your big brother’s mattress, there wasn’t much chance of becoming a regular consumer of all sorts of porn.

Contrast this with a recent episode of the Sip the Tea podcast, where a teen girl recounts her story of being, in her words, “addicted to porn”. She tells Rachelle Best, founder of FYI play it safe, that she engaged with pornographic content from the age of 9 years and went on to compulsively consume it for years. The girl, now 17, articulates the impact this has had on her self-esteem and body image. Instead of a carefree youth, she describes one wracked with guilt and shame.

Curiosity about the adult world and, about the secrets that adults keep, is of course, perfectly normal, healthy child behaviour. It tests the boundaries that parents put in place when it comes to the aspects of human life which we worry children may find disturbing, frightening or shocking.

As adults, not just parents, we have a universally recognised duty to protect children when it comes to violence, cruelty, war – and sex. This duty is a legal requirement in the case of human sexual behaviour because, in South Africa, as in many countries in the world, it is illegal for any adult to be involved in exposing a child to pornography.

The digital era has fundamentally redefined childhood, and when we put a tablet or a gaming console, a phone or laptop into our child’s hands – something parents do when their children are at younger and younger ages – we give them the keys to a limitless, unregulated world.

The proliferation of violent and sexual content across the digital world is unfathomable. It’s no exaggeration to say that ’porn is everywhere’. There’s just so much accessible, pornographic content that it is now impossible to believe, that purposefully or inadvertently, your child won’t be exposed to it. This reality is demanding new approaches to sex education, new openness in parent-child communications and new strategies for parenting digital natives.

UNICEF, the United Nations International Children’s Emergency Fund, has asserted that “pornographic content can harm children”. The organisation has expressed its alarm at the “massive quantity” of pornography available and its easy accessibility to children of all ages. It suggests that: “Exposure to pornography at a young age may lead to poor mental health, sexism and objectification, sexual violence and other negative outcomes. Among other risks, when children view pornography that portrays abusive and misogynistic acts, they may come to view such behaviour as normal and acceptable.”

Counselling psychologist Elliott Kotze, who works extensively with adolescents, presents another view. He says, “Currently, peer-reviewed evidence on the effects of exposure to porn in childhood is scarce. There is also an argument that porn is not addictive, which suggests that compulsive porn consumption is not about the media but about underlying issues. For instance, sexual shame is often inherent when it comes to compulsive porn consumption. Another potential cause for compulsive porn consumption, with or without masturbation, is a need for self-soothing or emotional or sensory regulation. This can become problematic when it becomes the person’s only way to self-regulate.”

He is clear, though, that unintentional exposure to pornography in childhood can be traumatic. “For a child who inadvertently clicks on a link or is shown porn onscreen by a friend in the playground, there is a trauma response risk. If they are not ready or equipped, and don’t understand what’s going on, what they see is likely to be shocking and disturbing to them, and they would need capacity from their parents or a professional to process this.”

For adolescents who develop a compulsive use of pornography, Kotze says: “Typically, it is distress that drives compulsive behaviours, and to treat this there needs to be an understanding of that distress. Adolescents face many challenges: mental health challenges such as anxiety and depression, relationship challenges or sexual or arousal challenges. All of these can lead to a compulsive use of pornographic content. Simply taking away the child’s ability to access porn without addressing the underlying issues that are driving the behaviour will inevitably lead to a range of sexual and relationship challenges further down the line.”

He offers the following advice to today’s parents:

Provide matter-of-fact, accurate sex education that is free of shame. “It’s important to talk about bodies using the biological, shame-free terminology for all body parts. Discuss the role of sex in reproduction and the role of sex in bonding and healthy pleasure. Focus on the care of our bodies and our mental health. Talk about consent and what that looks like, how to give it and how to respect it. Give your children a vision and blueprint for healthy relationships.”

Be committed to non-judgement, and be solutions-oriented. Be the wise guide your kids can come to when they need to talk about their distress. Kotze says, “Parents can help their children deal with compulsive behaviours and tackle the underlying causes. They can help them develop healthier ways for self-soothing and self-regulating without adding to the shame and guilt the child probably already feels in relation to their behaviour.”

Adequately prepare your child. “Open communication is essential to helping your child navigate adolescence,” Kotze says. “Puberty comes along, and bodies develop. It’s a time full of body hair, smells, spontaneous arousal and breast buds. All these changes can be disconcerting and distressing for children who have not been adequately prepared for it. The science has shown that children who are underprepared for puberty, or who have communication difficulties around this topic with their parents, are more likely to develop problematic or compulsive sexual behaviours. Let your children know that as they develop, shame is not necessary, and you can help them understand that we can take pleasure in our bodies in healthy ways.”

In addition to improving your parenting and communication strategies, don’t overlook the responsibility of creating an ecosystem of safety for your family online. Best says, “As parents, we need multiple solutions that go beyond just deploying the phone’s screen time limit and parental controls to restrict access to some known websites and apps.

“Latest solutions such as FYI play it safe draw on artificial intelligence and machine learning to monitor the content of children’s online activity across multiple devices. This provides parents with proactive alerts when their children may be exposed to online risks. It dynamically monitors all the content that the child engages with, including social media, in-game and instant messaging chats. You can reduce the risks of exposure to harmful content with a blend of up-to-date strategies and solutions.”

FYI play it safe is the creator of the Sip the Tea podcast. The first season of episodes features Best in conversation with journalist/presenter Amy Maclver. They grapple with major themes impacting on teens’ online lives, such as cyberbullying, online grooming, pornography and exposure to upsetting content. ‘Sipping the tea’ is teen slang for side-eyeing the juicy ‘gos’ and listening in to get the latest scoop.

Teens’ voices, digitally altered to protect identity, are prominent throughout the series, as they open up to Best about their own experiences as well as share insights about the experiences of their siblings and friends.

You can find Sip the Tea on all major podcasting platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts and more.

Episode 1: Teens and technology

Episode 2: Social media and the apps our children are using

Episode 3: Stranger danger & online grooming

Episode 4: Pornography

Episode 5: Pornography addiction

Episode 6: Gaming

Episode 7: Cyber bullying

Episode 8: Upsetting content

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Education & LearningParentingPress Release

Protecting preschoolers from bullying

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

Bullying is a pressing issue that affects children of all ages, even at the preschool level. As South Africa celebrated National Children’s Day on 4 November, it is crucial to acknowledge once more that children have the right to be protected from bullying.

Ursula Assis, country director at Dibber International Preschools, comments:

The reality of bullying in preschool

Bullying is not confined to older children; it can manifest as early as in preschool – a reality confirmed in South African author Marion Scher’s recently launched book, Big Bully: An epidemic of unkindness.

The adverse effects of bullying – such as self-image issues, depression, anxiety and school problems – can be significant even when experienced at a young age. This underscores the importance of addressing bullying at the preschool level.

With this in mind, when speaking to a possible school for your child, ask the following questions, as the potential of bullying at this level is a reality and you need to ensure the school takes it seriously:

• What is the school’s policy regarding bullying?

• How does the school actively prevent it?

• How will staff handle a reported incident?

Parents should seek information on the school’s official stance on bullying and understand its preventive strategies. Ask about programmes or initiatives aimed at creating a respectful and inclusive environment for all children. The answers you receive must be very clear, direct and based on an official school policy.

How do staff members participate in fostering a positive social and emotional environment?

Parents should ask about staff involvement in children’s social and emotional development, not just academic achievements. Staff actively engaging in children’s play and daily life creates a more inclusive and empathetic atmosphere.

We maintain a zero-tolerance policy for bullying, exclusion and all forms of discrimination at Dibber. We believe in actively preventing these issues through our Heart Culture and the daily interactions in our preschools and understand that fostering social competence, friendship and a positive psychosocial learning environment is vital to reducing the risk of bullying.

Additionally, our staff is trained  to pay attention to signs of bullying, report any concerns, investigate issues thoroughly, and take appropriate measures to address bullying and create a safe space for children.

Bullying prevention starts at an early age, and it is the shared responsibility of educators, parents and the community. We must acknowledge this to ensure children in our care enjoy a safe and nurturing environment, free from the harmful effects of bullying.

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Parenting

Recognising the significant and life-changing impact of adoption

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

World Adoption Month (November) is a month dedicated to bringing awareness of adoption. Globally, across the world, society acknowledges the lives of people impacted by adoptions. Those who facilitate the process also use this month as an opportunity to create awareness and educate society to learn more about adoptions.

Some refer to Adoption Month as a time to celebrate the families who have grown through adoptions. Others struggle and are reminded of the difficulties and losses that come with adoption.

According to the United Nations, an estimated 260 000 adoptions take place worldwide each year. Based on statistics from South Africa’s Department of Social Development, 15 068 adoptions were registered in South Africa between April 2010 to March 2020.

This may appear to be small when compared to national numbers of persons under the age of 18 in the SA population, but when one acknowledges that adoptions impact not only children but families and communities for generations, it becomes a significant number.

Through shared lived experiences, we have come to realise that adoptions are complex and life-altering. It affects many people and is often characterised by a theme of ‘opposites’: loss versus gain, hopelessness versus hope, have versus have not, and truth versus deception. Therefore, when we acknowledge World Adoption Month, we also need to be mindful that while for some this is a time during which adoption – with all its complexities – is embraced and celebrated, for others it is a time when they are reminded of all the significant losses that came with adoption.

Adoption should be relevant and important to us. According to our Childcare and Protection policy, many South African children grow up in families facing multiple and frequently intersecting vulnerabilities and multiple risk factors: poverty, exposure to domestic violence, neglect, abuse, exploitation, disrupted families, lack of parental care, abandonment, unplanned crisis pregnancies, substance abuse and mental health issues – and many children fall through the public safety nets. They absolutely should be entitled to responsive services to protect them and to return them or place them in a nurturing family environment.

As a country and sector, we are striving to have legally compliant and developmentally effective childcare and protection systems and services aimed at preserving, protecting and preventing the breakdown of families, yet there are significant numbers of children who will only enjoy permanent family care through adoption.

Despite the legal provisions and a clear need for adoptions, adoption numbers remain low in South Africa. It is perceived to be problematic, difficult, complicated and has a bad reputation in the public domain. This is a result of many factors including examples and experiences of unethical adoption practices, both locally and internationally.

As service providers working in this field in South Africa, we need to see World Adoption Month as an opportunity to raise awareness, share experiences and promote best practices – but, most importantly, we should have real conversations about how we approach and position adoptions and how it affects us all.

We should implement lessons learnt through the lived experiences from first parents, adoptive parents and, most importantly, adoptees, and we should continue to learn through their experiences. It shows us how we should adjust our practice and improve our services to birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees across the different life cycles of adoption. We need to rethink how we serve the parties of the triad both during the adoption process and after placement.

The child and their well-being at all times needs to be at the centre and heart of all decision-making. We should prioritise the permanency planning of children. We should have an integrated approach to adoption by ensuring we first aim to keep the family intact and explore all avenues to support this. We need to realise that poverty and a lack of education should not be a reason for adoption. We need to give due consideration and support to birth parents to enable them to care for their children. We need to undertake legally compliant investigations, ensuring all parties understand their rights in adoptions.

We need to adequately prepare and equip adoptive parents to understand their motivations, and their capacity to parent a child who has experienced trauma and loss. We should promote a spirit of openness in adoptions, where a child’s adoption story will be shared with that child in an age-appropriate manner. Our adoption social workers should be competent and know the complexities of adoption. We should understand the importance of cultural heritage and parenting strategies for transracial adoptions. We should continue to provide support after the adoption and, most importantly, ensure our practices are professional and ethical.

Adoptions are life-changing and deserve our insight, understanding and commitment to learn and improve.

In the words of an adoptee: “The question – How does it feel not knowing who your parents were? – is for me the same as asking ‘how does it feel to never have visited the moon?’. The lack of facts is a fact. Insecure and unknown is a constant part of my identity. I strongly feel that I had two births: the second being adopted, as a continuation of the first, but the first as a prerequisite for the second. I got a second chance to life, thanks to unknown people’s willingness, dedication, stubbornness and co-operation. So utterly dependent on others’ will and decisions.”

Katinka Pieterse

Chairperson: National Adoption Coalition of South Africa

CEO: Abba Specialist Adoption & Social Services

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Education & LearningParentingPress Release

How ready is your child for the digital world?

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

The sad reality is that children are being exposed to the digital world from a young age. But what are we doing to show them the right way to surf the net, know their rights and how to handle situations in which they may find themselves? We can monitor their online behaviour and try being online 24/7, but ensuring a child is aware of the threats, comfortable to communicate and empowered with knowledge, the more likely they are to steer away from dangerous situations.

Social Kids South Africa is an Internet safety course program designed to guide and protect children under 11 years of age through their online world. The digital adventure, featuring Codey Crawler, is essential training that children need in order to ensure they know what information they should share online, how to protect their privacy, understand how an algorithm works, when to change their colours, and how to deal with cyberbullies. We show them what are good manners online, how to spot fake news, and ensure the site they are on is secure.

Don’t let your child learn from their peers or through trial and error. Codey Crawler can show children how to be safe when they go online. If your child is playing games on a phone or watching YouTube, they are vulnerable to master manipulators online.

There are five adventure levels, each ending in an activity that must be submitted to earn a digital badge. After all seven badges have been awarded, they will receive a print-at-home personalised certificate of achievement and picture frame to proudly display their Global Surfer Confidence.

Parents have access to in-depth parent guides; these were created to add value to parents: showing them step by step how to protect their privacy, educating them on the best ways to set boundaries from a young age, and improving their relationships as they grow and learn online. The program can be taken together or via a jump-in jump-out online class every weekday afternoon.

UNICEF has identified communication as the number-one pillar to fight against abuse and violence online. A scary 70% of children do not share what they are exposed to. Codey will show children from a young age that nothing is too embarrassing to share, and encourage the journey to get taken together with their parents or guardians. The adventure drives a circle of trust mentality to ensure children have their support system in place and are comfortable sharing their online experiences with loved ones.

Dr Ken Resnick, educational psychologist and founder of SmartChoice Parenting, reiterates the essential role that parents must play in protecting their children before they are let loose on the Internet with no appropriate social interaction and guidance.

Cheryl and Bryan Barnett developed this program to protect their son. “We have seen how fast this digital world is changing and how our children are being exposed to this world, with little to no guidance. With the focus only coming into place after they are well into their teens, the bad habits have already been formed. Hence, our focus is on the younger generation. Together, we can be the difference in their teens.”

Join Codey Crawler and his friends for a once-off price of R425 (normal price R500) to access to all five adventures and parental guides.

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BirthParenting

Landmark judgment seeks to overhaul existing maternity and parental leave provisions

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

On 25 October 2023, the High Court handed down a judgment indicating a significant shift in parental leave rights. In the groundbreaking case of Van Wyk and Others v the Minister of Employment and Labour and Others, the applicants advanced a gender-neutral interpretation of the term “employee” in the provisions of the Basic Conditions of Employment Act 75 of 1997 (BCEA) concerning parental leave.

Their argument was simple: Maternity leave, as currently provided for, should not be limited to those who have given birth. Instead, it should apply to all parents, regardless of gender or birthing status, providing them with the same right to share in the four months of parental leave.

The case challenged not only the legal interpretation of maternity leave but also broader societal norms and expectations about parental roles. This case sparked intense debate and diverse opinions on its merits and will have a significant impact in the workplace.

The heart of the applicants’ argument was to ensure the equal treatment of parents. They sought to eliminate the archaic distinction between birthing parents and non-birthing parents on maternity leave. By doing so, they aimed to secure a more inclusive and equitable approach toward family support, recognising the shared responsibilities and experiences of both parents.

The section of the BCEA under scrutiny was section 25 and its subsequent amendments, which address maternity leave, parental leave, commissioning parental leave, adoption leave and their respective durations. This section provides the legal framework that the applicants aimed to reform. Their assertion was that these sections perpetuated an unequal system, favouring birthing parents and neglecting the rights of non-birthing parents.

The court’s decision departs from the conventional interpretation of these sections. It recognised the need to address the existing inequality and decided to modify section 25 to align with the Van Wyks’ progressive vision. The court said that a single parent or two parents are collectively entitled to at least four consecutive months of parental leave. It acknowledged the need to address inequality and decided that, in the interim, the appropriate means to do so is to extend the right to four consecutive months of parental leave. In other words, each pair of parents of a qualifying child should share the four months of leave as they see fit. 

This landmark decision has the potential to transform the parental leave landscape in South Africa. While the judgment will require confirmation by the Constitutional Court, it sets a new precedent for parental rights and equality in the workplace.

Depending on the ultimate relief granted, this decision will allow, where they so choose, two parents dividing the four months of parental leave in different ways to care for their newborn children.

Employers should take note of the operational and cost implications, particularly if they provide paid maternity leave. Employers would be expected to provide the paid parental leave to all individual employees or employees who are a pair of parents. As the legal landscape evolves to accommodate this expanded definition of parental leave, it is essential for employers to review their policies and practices to ensure compliance with the new legal framework.

The Van Wyk case represents a significant step toward achieving gender equality and shared parental responsibility. This court decision has set a precedent that may pave the way for a more inclusive and supportive work environment for all parents in South Africa – ultimately benefiting families, employees and employers.

Deon Visagie, Partner

Joani van Vuuren, Senior Associate

Jamie Jacobs, Associate

Nkosinathi Thema, Associate

Webber Wentzel

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AdvicePress ReleaseTeen

Always online – South African teens share real-life experiences

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

If you’re the parent of a teenager, you most likely don’t know as much about their online life as you should. Our children are immersed in the digital world, inhabiting digital environments and gathering in digital spaces that most parents don’t even know exist, never mind understand how to navigate.

It doesn’t help that these virtual locales where teens meet up and hang out are ever-changing; they can disappear in a whiff, migrate at a whim and new ones pop up every day. It’s nearly impossible for parents to keep up.

Our tweens and teens range across a multitude of social media, gaming environments and messaging platforms where they find the connection and validation that is so vital to their life-stages. But they also encounter risks and dangers.   “Sipping the tea” is teen slang for side-eyeing the juicy ‘gos’ and listening in to get the latest scoop.

Rachelle Best, parent of a teenage daughter and the CEO and founder of the AI-powered monitoring app, FYI play it safe, is the host of Sip the Tea. Across the first season of eight episodes launching on 17 October, Rachelle, in conversation with presenter Amy Maclver, tackles major themes impacting on teens’ online lives, such as cyberbullying, online grooming, pornography and exposure to upsetting content. Teens’ voices, digitally altered to protect identity, are prominent throughout the series as they open up to Rachelle about their own experiences as well as share insights about the experiences of their siblings and friends.

Rachelle says, “Parents listening in may be surprised at the frankness and honesty. Teens so often have the reputation for reticence or even being secretive when it comes to connecting with adults. In my journey, both through Sip the Tea interviews and engaging with children in schools, one glaring truth has emerged: Our kids crave open and honest conversations about the digital world’s lurking risks and threats. They are not just curious; they’re deeply disturbed by the dangers they face online. Remarkably, many of these young people don’t merely seek protection; they aspire to help us, the adults, understand the real risks they face. Most agree there should be limits and protections on children’s online activity – in fact, they recommend these. 

“What they don’t want, though, is to be judged and punished for their curiosity or their mistakes. They don’t want the adults to overreact. They don’t want the Wi-Fi switched off or to have their devices taken away. Instead, they’re offering us a unique opportunity – a chance for parents to reshape their approach to online safety. It’s an invitation to build an understanding relationship with their teen, based on open and honest communication.”

On the one hand, there are parents who are prone to overreact and rigidly police their children’s devices, and on the other are those who have their heads in the sand and believe the risks will never materialise with their children. Rachelle says, “Unfortunately, the ‘not my child syndrome’ is rife in South Africa. There are parents who do nothing or so little to create a family online safety ecosystem, and then blithely say they don’t need to because they ‘trust their child’. However, online safety should not be linked to the trust-relationship with your child. Harmful content is everywhere, and your child does not necessarily have to go looking for it to be exposed. A child may see porn through no fault of their own, think the trust-relationship with their parents is now ruined and that their parents won’t trust them again. 

“When I conducted the Sip the Tea interviews, I anticipated some shocking stories about online grooming, cyberbullying and pornography; what I didn’t expect is the extreme cruelty that some of the children had encountered. We hear from these kids’ stories that they have been exposed to some of the most horrific scenes imaginable, which is bound to make a lasting impact on their emotional well-being.”

The family online safety ecosystem to which Rachelle refers here is the use of multiple solutions that go beyond just deploying the phone’s screen time limit and parental controls to restrict access to some known websites and apps. While these play a role in the online safety ecosystem, their efficacy is partial. Latest solutions such as FYI play it safe draw on artificial intelligence and machine learning to monitor the content of children’s online activity across multiple devices in real time. This provides parents with proactive alerts when their children may be exposed to online risks. It dynamically monitors all the content with which the child engages, including social media, in-game and instant messaging chats.  

Apart from opening parents’ eyes to online risks, Sip the Tea offers a balanced view of the lives of our digital natives. Rachelle says, “There are so many benefits to teens being online. It’s wonderful to hear how they make lasting friendships and find acceptance and reassurance in the digital world. There’s so much to learn, so many opportunities to find and develop your passions, and so many ways to grow as a responsible digital citizen. 

“What’s important for parents is to become empowered and knowledgeable. We need to understand teen digital spaces better, we need to be clear about risks and threats, and we need to be proactive when it comes to helping our teens stay safer online.”

You can find Sip the Tea on all major podcasting platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts and more.

Episode 1: Teens and tech – We explore the technology setups that tweens and teens have at home. We delve into the rules, controls and guidance in place to ensure safe and balanced digital engagement.

Episode 2: Social media and the apps they use – We lift the curtain on the online social worlds of today’s youth. From Snapchat and TikTok to Discord, we explore the apps they’re using and the experiences they’re having on these platforms.

Episode 3: Stranger danger and online grooming – We share the real stories of online encounters and the dangers lurking in the digital shadows. 

Episode 4: Pornography exposure – We take a candid look at the exposure tweens and teens have to pornography online. This challenging episode provides critical insights into their early encounters.

Episode 5: Pornography addiction – In this episode, we hear open stories of teenagers admitting to being addicted to pornography. We also talk to a psychologist about the impact of pornography addiction on the mental and emotional well-being of young people. 

Episode 6: Gaming – An exploration of the world of gaming, its allure and the challenges it presents. 

Episode 7: Cyberbullying – Real stories of online harassment and bullying. We shed light on talking to your child about cyberbullying.

Episode 8: Violence, gore and upsetting content – A deep dive into the darker side of being online. We hear some shocking encounters of what tweens and teens are really exposed to and how they stumble across the content.

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AdviceBabyFor momPress Release

App helps new mums get a handle on baby’s routine

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

As incredible as the first year of your baby’s life can be, it is also undeniably fraught. When baby feeds and when baby sleeps dominate the day and the night. For radically sleep-deprived mothers coping with hormonal changes and ‘mommy brain’, keeping clear track of their infant’s routine is a near impossible task.

Meg Faure – baby expert, best-selling parenting author and founder of Parent Sense, a popular science-backed baby development app used by thousands of new mothers – says, “Routines are important for babies for several reasons. For one, routines provide structure and predictability, which can help infants feel more secure. Routines also help infants learn cause and effect. When a little one is being fed, changed and put down for a nap at the same times every day, they may begin to anticipate and understand that these activities will happen in a particular order. In addition, a routine can help babies develop good sleep habits – something that all new, sleep-deprived parents want.

“But there’s a catch: all babies are different, and both infants and parents have different needs when it comes to routine,” she continues. In Baby Sense, her best-selling book first published in 2002, Faure was the first to highlight the importance of ‘flexible routines’ for babies versus the rigid routines that were widely and often, controversially promoted in the 1990s.  

“There’s significant research that shows a flexible routine is best for the health of an infant, and it also serves as a much-needed guide for first-time mothers or those who may be struggling with a sensitive little one who doesn’t necessarily feed or settle easily. Flexible routines also reflect the reality that babies are all unique, and there’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ answer

“Mothers, too, are different, and each one has to find parenting practices that help them be the best mum they can be.  Even moms who embrace a baby-led ethos will often blend this approach with some forms of flexible routine to have a well-fed and well-rested little one.” 

However, establishing a healthy routine can be an overwhelming task. There’s copious amounts of information available about routines, but so often this information is contradictory and confusing. “What a new mum needs is a trusted source of practical, real-time support to help her follow a simple, adaptable routine that she doesn’t have to think about. That’s why we have launched the Responsive Routine,” says Faure. 

The award-winning Parent Sense app’s one-of-a-kind Responsive Routine makes it quick and easy for a new mum to track her baby’s feeds and sleeps. Using this unique data, the app dynamically adjusts the flexible 24-hour routine to provide customised feeding and sleeping times so that mum doesn’t have to work out the timings, and she always knows what’s coming up next for her baby.  

Faure says, “The Responsive Routine takes care of the two big questions that create so much anxiety for new mothers: Is my baby feeding enough? And, is my baby getting enough sleep? Tracking this data and following the suggested routine also helps mom build her confidence as she tunes into her baby’s unique rhythms and patterns.” 

The new feature helps parents be calmer and more adaptable when it comes to schedules and makes it easier to plan for the day. Many more parents are hybrid working and there’s been a significant drop in childcare typically provided by domestic workers in the early months of an infant’s life. Using Parent Sense’s Responsive Routine is ideal for busy, modern parents who value being organised and are probably juggling childcare with work from home.

Hybrid and remote working are also changing traditional parental leave. Where maternity leave was once a time to be at home with full focus on their newborn, many new moms are now blending maternity leave with remote work. One advantage is increased work flexibility beyond their leave period, but the downside is the steep challenges of meeting the demands of both baby and work.

“As a woman in technology, my goal has always been to develop innovative solutions that empower and support users. The Responsive Routine feature in the Parent Sense app represents a culmination of our efforts to create a tool that simplifies the lives of new mothers. By leveraging technology, we aim to alleviate the stress and uncertainty surrounding baby routines, allowing mothers to focus on both their parenting journey and their careers. I am thrilled to see the impact of the Responsive Routine in helping mothers find fulfilment in both aspects of their lives,” concludes Faure. 

The Responsive Routine feature is live within the Parent Sense app. Download the app here and start using the Responsive Routine to take the guesswork out of your baby’s schedule.

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Education & LearningParenting

Parental involvement: A crucial ingredient for academic success

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

Parents and guardians play a vital role in the overall development and academic growth of their children during their educational journey. However, in today’s world, despite an increased need for parental support and involvement, many parents find it challenging to fulfil this role due to various reasons including, but not limited to, time constraints, lack of knowledge about modern school curricula, and personal or work-related circumstances.

But parental involvement isn’t an all-or-nothing proposition – either one is part of a child’s journey or not – because there are various small ways in which a parent can become a valuable pillar of support and encouragement for their child, which can make a huge difference even with limited but consistent investments of time and effort, an education expert says.

“Parental involvement is essential for a child on all levels, including academic achievement, and it is undeniable that children whose parents or guardians support them in their educational journey have a stronger foundation for academic performance, positive learning experiences and personal growth,” says Desiree Hugo, academic head: Schools Division at ADvTECH.

“Nonetheless, and very understandably so, many parents struggle to strike a healthy balance between their daily obligations and work responsibilities while also providing the necessary support and encouragement their children need on their academic journey.

“Fortunately, being involved doesn’t require parents to drop the other balls. Even small but consistent connections to school can make a significant difference in their child’s educational success and emotional well-being.”

Maintaining open lines of communication is crucial, Hugo says. “Parents should ensure they receive and stay informed about all school communications. If any issues arise, prompt communication with the school can address these matters before they escalate into more significant challenges.

“Additionally, parents should engage in daily conversations with their child, to understand their experiences, both positive and negative. This simple practice requires minimal time, but provides valuable insight into potential challenges, enabling parents to stay proactive regarding their child’s performance and well-being while also staying connected to what is happening in their lives.”

Whenever possible, parents should participate in school activities and events. Where schools organise events such as parent-teacher conferences, school fairs and sports matches, making the time to attend these activities periodically demonstrates interest in and appreciation for the importance of a child’s educational journey and holistic development as part of a larger learning community.

Maintaining a positive attitude toward the educational journey is also essential, says Hugo. Students benefit from having supportive structures in place as part of their daily routine that are conducive to learning. Parents can help create a positive atmosphere and should, where possible, provide a dedicated space for studying that is quiet and comfortable.

“Children often feel anxious and overwhelmed by their studies, making it crucial for parents to remain positive and encouraging, even during challenging times.”

“In addition to providing logistical support, parents should also help their children develop a growth mindset and a love for learning. Encouraging curiosity, creativity and critical thinking, as well as assisting them in setting realistic and achievable goals, can foster their academic and personal growth.”

Celebrating progress and offering constructive feedback and guidance in the face of setbacks are more effective approaches than dwelling on failures, Hugo says. “Regularly acknowledge and celebrate the child’s effort and progress instead of focusing solely on outcomes and grades.”

Beyond facilitating improved academic and personal growth, parental involvement also lays the groundwork for stronger parent-child relationships. “Even small acts of involvement can lead to enhanced academic performance, positive behaviour, higher self-esteem and a closer bond between parent and child.”

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Parenting

FYI: Keep your children safe on Android devices

by Tania Griffin
written by Tania Griffin

The debates about whether children should own smartphones, and if so, at what age, have become a very modern parenting dilemma. There are no ‘right or wrong’ answers to these ‘Big Questions’ about kids and smartphones. The near-universal uptake of smartphones for children, at increasingly younger ages, is a clear indication that today’s parents mostly believe the benefits of their children owning smartphones outweigh the risks.  

It’s hard to argue against the convenience of an always-connected family or the many valuable opportunities for children to engage in the digital world. That doesn’t mean parents aren’t uneasy about their decision to put a smartphone in their child’s hands. 

Although research on this topic is currently limited, it is understandable that parents worry about the impact of prolonged screen exposure on their growing child’s cognitive and social development. However, there’s plenty of evidence that Internet-connected devices increase children’s vulnerability to encountering inappropriate and harmful content, as well as being subjected to online bullying, harassment and grooming.

This raises, perhaps, the more pertinent Big Question when it comes to kids and their Internet-connected devices: How do we keep them safe online? Luckily, parents now have access to a wide range of parental control tools that are designed to address this concern.

It’s important to recognise that online safety starts with the careful selection of a smartphone or tablet. Both Android smartphones and iPhones offer some built-in parental control features that empower parents with functionalities like app restrictions, screen time limits, content filters, usage reports and location tracking. While experts may not fully agree on this matter, there’s a growing inclination toward Android devices as particularly safer for children because they are more customisable, enabling parents to set up an extensive ecosystem of online safety that is far more robust than just using the device’s standard controls.

Rachelle Best, CEO and founder of the AI-powered monitoring app, FYI play it safe, highlights the need for parents to employ a combination of strategies to create a robust ecosystem for online safety.

She says, “Android smartphones offer more flexibility, so parents have more choices available, and it’s easier and more effective to implement a comprehensive safety solution for their children. What is important to note is that whether an Android phone is safer for your child ultimately depends on how it is configured and used. Built-in parental controls offer only a basic foundation and don’t come with advanced features. This means they are not sufficient as a stand-alone solution. It’s quite common for parents to discover that their children find ways to bypass standard screen time limits and app restrictions. To establish an effective ecosystem for your family’s online safety, parents should complement parental controls with advanced monitoring solutions like FYI play it safe. Additionally, fostering a family culture of open communication when it comes to online threats and staying safer is essential.”

In addition to the greater scope of customisation, there are several compelling reasons many parents choose Android devices for their children:

• Superior content control: Android devices enable less integration between apps and messaging services and have more controls on content access within individual apps. This makes it easier for parents to prevent children from inadvertently engaging with inappropriate or harmful content.

• Extensive app store selection: Android has a larger app store, offering parents more options when it comes to parental controls and device monitoring. This ensures you have access to the latest and most advanced safety and security apps to keep your child safer.

• Varied price range: Android offers a much wider range of devices at an array of price points. It’s easy to find a phone or tablet that fits your family budget.

• Personalised user accounts: Parents can set up multiple user accounts on an Android phone or tablet, each with different restrictions and permissions, so that parents can easily customise their controls for each child in the family.

The FYI play it safe app, which is now available on Google Play, draws on AI and ML to monitor the content of children’s online activity across multiple devices in real time and provides parents with proactive alerts when their children are exposed to online risks. It monitors all the content that the child engages with, including social media, in-game and instant messaging chats. New accounts and apps are included by default without parents needing their child’s account credentials.  

Best says, “Securing FYI play it safe’s spot on Google Play is a significant milestone in our mission to keep children safer online. The app’s presence on the platform not only increases our visibility to millions of Android users, but provides parents with the reassurance that FYI play it safe is a reliable solution to help them improve their family’s online safety. The streamlined installation process simplifies the user experience, making it more convenient for families to adopt our technology and join us in creating a safer digital environment for children worldwide.”

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