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Advice

Complaints of children in two different households of divorced or separated parents

by Tania Griffin November 29, 2023

written by Tania Griffin

In my legal practice and personal experience, children residing in two households when parents are divorced/separated can experience certain difficulties.

To support and understand them better, it is helpful to understand their complaints and entertain solutions.

The 10 universal complaints by children

1. The number-one complaint is the packing and moving of their stuff between the households. It can also be exhausting for some, especially if the parenting plan has too many swapping per week or if distances are too far to travel.

2. Forgetting an item during the visit to the previous house, especially a school or clothing item.

3. Missing out on friends and school activities if the parents stay in different towns.

4. The disruption of routine and having two bedrooms.

5. Missing a sibling if they are not primarily staying in the same house.

6. Missing pets in the other house.

7. Difficulty studying in two different houses.

8. Although there are a lot of divorced families, the children sometimes experience the embarrassment of having two households.

9. The fear of interrogation of what happened at the house of the other parent, and causing trouble.

10. If special holidays like Christmas, Easter etc. are not allocated peacefully between the parents, the stress they experience to be at the right household on the day without displeasing a parent.

Solutions to make it easier

Make a fixed packing list of things that the child can use each time they need to pack. Let each house have a set/s of the most things, making the packing and forgetting less. Don’t ask about the other parent or other sensitive questions on average upon their return. Divorced parents can annually, and in advance, plan the parenting plan – contact times and holidays. It gives comfort and certainty to all. Keep the contact-swopping between the two houses to minimum intervals to avoid too much swopping, unless the children are of a young age.

Rise and radiate!

Once you rise and radiate, you can radiate the love and goodness of God to others!

Coach Mimi Karstel

Rise & Radiate Life Coaching

Mimi is a practising litigation attorney who is also qualified as a pastoral therapist, life coach (UK) and a family and divorce mediator.

November 29, 2023 0 comment

Always online – South African teens share real-life experiences

by Tania Griffin October 17, 2023

written by Tania Griffin

If you’re the parent of a teenager, you most likely don’t know as much about their online life as you should. Our children are immersed in the digital world, inhabiting digital environments and gathering in digital spaces that most parents don’t even know exist, never mind understand how to navigate.

It doesn’t help that these virtual locales where teens meet up and hang out are ever-changing; they can disappear in a whiff, migrate at a whim and new ones pop up every day. It’s nearly impossible for parents to keep up.

Our tweens and teens range across a multitude of social media, gaming environments and messaging platforms where they find the connection and validation that is so vital to their life-stages. But they also encounter risks and dangers. “Sipping the tea” is teen slang for side-eyeing the juicy ‘gos’ and listening in to get the latest scoop.

Rachelle Best, parent of a teenage daughter and the CEO and founder of the AI-powered monitoring app, FYI play it safe, is the host of Sip the Tea. Across the first season of eight episodes launching on 17 October, Rachelle, in conversation with presenter Amy Maclver, tackles major themes impacting on teens’ online lives, such as cyberbullying, online grooming, pornography and exposure to upsetting content. Teens’ voices, digitally altered to protect identity, are prominent throughout the series as they open up to Rachelle about their own experiences as well as share insights about the experiences of their siblings and friends.

Rachelle says, “Parents listening in may be surprised at the frankness and honesty. Teens so often have the reputation for reticence or even being secretive when it comes to connecting with adults. In my journey, both through Sip the Tea interviews and engaging with children in schools, one glaring truth has emerged: Our kids crave open and honest conversations about the digital world’s lurking risks and threats. They are not just curious; they’re deeply disturbed by the dangers they face online. Remarkably, many of these young people don’t merely seek protection; they aspire to help us, the adults, understand the real risks they face. Most agree there should be limits and protections on children’s online activity – in fact, they recommend these.

“What they don’t want, though, is to be judged and punished for their curiosity or their mistakes. They don’t want the adults to overreact. They don’t want the Wi-Fi switched off or to have their devices taken away. Instead, they’re offering us a unique opportunity – a chance for parents to reshape their approach to online safety. It’s an invitation to build an understanding relationship with their teen, based on open and honest communication.”

On the one hand, there are parents who are prone to overreact and rigidly police their children’s devices, and on the other are those who have their heads in the sand and believe the risks will never materialise with their children. Rachelle says, “Unfortunately, the ‘not my child syndrome’ is rife in South Africa. There are parents who do nothing or so little to create a family online safety ecosystem, and then blithely say they don’t need to because they ‘trust their child’. However, online safety should not be linked to the trust-relationship with your child. Harmful content is everywhere, and your child does not necessarily have to go looking for it to be exposed. A child may see porn through no fault of their own, think the trust-relationship with their parents is now ruined and that their parents won’t trust them again.

“When I conducted the Sip the Tea interviews, I anticipated some shocking stories about online grooming, cyberbullying and pornography; what I didn’t expect is the extreme cruelty that some of the children had encountered. We hear from these kids’ stories that they have been exposed to some of the most horrific scenes imaginable, which is bound to make a lasting impact on their emotional well-being.”

The family online safety ecosystem to which Rachelle refers here is the use of multiple solutions that go beyond just deploying the phone’s screen time limit and parental controls to restrict access to some known websites and apps. While these play a role in the online safety ecosystem, their efficacy is partial. Latest solutions such as FYI play it safe draw on artificial intelligence and machine learning to monitor the content of children’s online activity across multiple devices in real time. This provides parents with proactive alerts when their children may be exposed to online risks. It dynamically monitors all the content with which the child engages, including social media, in-game and instant messaging chats.

Apart from opening parents’ eyes to online risks, Sip the Tea offers a balanced view of the lives of our digital natives. Rachelle says, “There are so many benefits to teens being online. It’s wonderful to hear how they make lasting friendships and find acceptance and reassurance in the digital world. There’s so much to learn, so many opportunities to find and develop your passions, and so many ways to grow as a responsible digital citizen.

“What’s important for parents is to become empowered and knowledgeable. We need to understand teen digital spaces better, we need to be clear about risks and threats, and we need to be proactive when it comes to helping our teens stay safer online.”

You can find Sip the Tea on all major podcasting platforms including Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts and more.

Episode 1: Teens and tech – We explore the technology setups that tweens and teens have at home. We delve into the rules, controls and guidance in place to ensure safe and balanced digital engagement.

Episode 2: Social media and the apps they use – We lift the curtain on the online social worlds of today’s youth. From Snapchat and TikTok to Discord, we explore the apps they’re using and the experiences they’re having on these platforms.

Episode 3: Stranger danger and online grooming – We share the real stories of online encounters and the dangers lurking in the digital shadows.

Episode 4: Pornography exposure – We take a candid look at the exposure tweens and teens have to pornography online. This challenging episode provides critical insights into their early encounters.

Episode 5: Pornography addiction – In this episode, we hear open stories of teenagers admitting to being addicted to pornography. We also talk to a psychologist about the impact of pornography addiction on the mental and emotional well-being of young people.

Episode 6: Gaming – An exploration of the world of gaming, its allure and the challenges it presents.

Episode 7: Cyberbullying – Real stories of online harassment and bullying. We shed light on talking to your child about cyberbullying.

Episode 8: Violence, gore and upsetting content – A deep dive into the darker side of being online. We hear some shocking encounters of what tweens and teens are really exposed to and how they stumble across the content.

October 17, 2023 0 comment

Advice Baby For mom Press Release

App helps new mums get a handle on baby’s routine

by Tania Griffin July 19, 2023

written by Tania Griffin

As incredible as the first year of your baby’s life can be, it is also undeniably fraught. When baby feeds and when baby sleeps dominate the day and the night. For radically sleep-deprived mothers coping with hormonal changes and ‘mommy brain’, keeping clear track of their infant’s routine is a near impossible task.

Meg Faure – baby expert, best-selling parenting author and founder of Parent Sense, a popular science-backed baby development app used by thousands of new mothers – says, “Routines are important for babies for several reasons. For one, routines provide structure and predictability, which can help infants feel more secure. Routines also help infants learn cause and effect. When a little one is being fed, changed and put down for a nap at the same times every day, they may begin to anticipate and understand that these activities will happen in a particular order. In addition, a routine can help babies develop good sleep habits – something that all new, sleep-deprived parents want.

“But there’s a catch: all babies are different, and both infants and parents have different needs when it comes to routine,” she continues. In Baby Sense, her best-selling book first published in 2002, Faure was the first to highlight the importance of ‘flexible routines’ for babies versus the rigid routines that were widely and often, controversially promoted in the 1990s.

“There’s significant research that shows a flexible routine is best for the health of an infant, and it also serves as a much-needed guide for first-time mothers or those who may be struggling with a sensitive little one who doesn’t necessarily feed or settle easily. Flexible routines also reflect the reality that babies are all unique, and there’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ answer

“Mothers, too, are different, and each one has to find parenting practices that help them be the best mum they can be. Even moms who embrace a baby-led ethos will often blend this approach with some forms of flexible routine to have a well-fed and well-rested little one.”

However, establishing a healthy routine can be an overwhelming task. There’s copious amounts of information available about routines, but so often this information is contradictory and confusing. “What a new mum needs is a trusted source of practical, real-time support to help her follow a simple, adaptable routine that she doesn’t have to think about. That’s why we have launched the Responsive Routine,” says Faure.

The award-winning Parent Sense app’s one-of-a-kind Responsive Routine makes it quick and easy for a new mum to track her baby’s feeds and sleeps. Using this unique data, the app dynamically adjusts the flexible 24-hour routine to provide customised feeding and sleeping times so that mum doesn’t have to work out the timings, and she always knows what’s coming up next for her baby.

Faure says, “The Responsive Routine takes care of the two big questions that create so much anxiety for new mothers: Is my baby feeding enough? And, is my baby getting enough sleep? Tracking this data and following the suggested routine also helps mom build her confidence as she tunes into her baby’s unique rhythms and patterns.”

The new feature helps parents be calmer and more adaptable when it comes to schedules and makes it easier to plan for the day. Many more parents are hybrid working and there’s been a significant drop in childcare typically provided by domestic workers in the early months of an infant’s life. Using Parent Sense’s Responsive Routine is ideal for busy, modern parents who value being organised and are probably juggling childcare with work from home.

Hybrid and remote working are also changing traditional parental leave. Where maternity leave was once a time to be at home with full focus on their newborn, many new moms are now blending maternity leave with remote work. One advantage is increased work flexibility beyond their leave period, but the downside is the steep challenges of meeting the demands of both baby and work.

“As a woman in technology, my goal has always been to develop innovative solutions that empower and support users. The Responsive Routine feature in the Parent Sense app represents a culmination of our efforts to create a tool that simplifies the lives of new mothers. By leveraging technology, we aim to alleviate the stress and uncertainty surrounding baby routines, allowing mothers to focus on both their parenting journey and their careers. I am thrilled to see the impact of the Responsive Routine in helping mothers find fulfilment in both aspects of their lives,” concludes Faure.

The Responsive Routine feature is live within the Parent Sense app. Download the app here and start using the Responsive Routine to take the guesswork out of your baby’s schedule.

July 19, 2023 0 comment

Advice

Term-to-term school shoe care tips

by Editor April 14, 2023

written by Editor

With the start of a new school term, you may find that your child unexpectedly needs a new pair of school shoes – and not necessarily because they’ve outgrown them. School shoes can take a real beating during the school term, through scuffs from daily, hard wear, or not being cared for or stored correctly during school weeks and holiday periods.

Footwear giant Bata South Africa produces over 4 million of the country’s school shoes every year, including Toughees, South Africa’s most trusted school shoe for generations since 1954; and BFirst, a budget-conscious range also designed to last.

Michael Sithambaram, manager of Bata’s Schools Division, says good school shoe care is essential for ensuring shoes last from term to term, and even year to year.

“The act of caring for school shoes is a responsibility that many parents will recall from their own childhood. It not only teaches kids about responsibility but also helps protect their possessions from wear and tear. At Bata, we understand that parents rely on us to create durable, comfortable and high-quality shoes for their children. However, it’s up to them thereafter to properly maintain and care for the shoes once they’re purchased.”

Here are Bata South Africa’s top tips to help teach and encourage children to take care of their school shoes during and in between school terms:

Ensure a proper fit. Shoes that don’t fit well will show signs of wear sooner. School shoes often come in different widths, and if you’re ordering online you can check the Toughees sizing guide to make sure you’re buying the perfect pair for your child.
Clean and polish shoes regularly. This keeps leather supple, protects it, and conceals scuffs and scratches. Polish the shoe with a matching polish colour to take away scratches or marks, or you could opt for a no-polish pair from Toughees. Buff with a soft cloth for shine by wiping across the top of the shoe.
Teach your child to take off their shoes properly. This helps maintain the shoes’ shape and prolongs their life. Laced shoes should always be untied first before taking off or slipping back on. Show your child how to put their thumb in the back of the shoe until their foot is in, rather than using their other foot to slip out of shoes from the heel, or pushing the back of the shoe down, as this will help prevent damage to the heel counter. They should then work from the toes up to tighten their laces before tying them.
Remove mud and grit as soon as possible. This will prevent buildup and extend the lifespan of the shoes. Brush the underneath of the shoe daily to clear any grit or mud caught underneath.
Dry wet school shoes carefully. You can do this by stuffing them with crumpled paper to absorb any moisture and allowing them to air-dry naturally.
Store school shoes properly. Do not store in a box, as the box can contain fungus and mould that could catch on the shoe.
Invest in the best you can afford. School shoes like Toughees have durable features such as genuine leather uppers, odour protection, and are less susceptible to discolouration and deterioration of fibre structure. They also offer guarantees on fair wear and tear.

“With a few simple steps daily from term to term, both parents and children can lengthen the lifespan of a shoe and get maximum use without sacrificing on comfort,” says Sithambaram.

Toughees are available online at Toughees.co.za, Zando and takealot, as well as in store or online at major retailers including Ackermans, PEP, Jet, Edgars, Mr Price, NuShop and Shoe City.

April 14, 2023 0 comment

Advice

My toddler is sick… again!

by Editor August 11, 2022

written by Editor

For working parents, there is nothing quite as demoralising as a child coming home from daycare with a runny nose and a fever. For most parents, daycare is an inevitable part of working life, but the added stress of a small child getting sick repeatedly is not something they want or need.

Childcare experts say that it’s normal for toddlers to get sick quite often when they start daycare, contracting six to 12 viruses in the first year alone.

This is because daycare and schools are ideal environments for the spread of viruses. Illnesses such as the common cold, stomach bugs and hand, foot and mouth disease are easily spread through direct and indirect contact with kids who are coughing, sneezing, rubbing their snotty noses, and sharing toys and food.

The good news is that catching colds frequently isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it helps to build up a child’s immune system, unless he or she has a specific immune deficiency.

The first few months of attending a new daycare centre are usually the hardest because your child is exposed to a large number of germs all at once. Children have immature immune systems, but after they develop more fully, catching colds usually happens with less frequency.

As long as your toddler is just developing these typical viruses, and not more serious bacterial infections like meningitis, there’s no reason to be worried about their immune health—though having a sick kid all the time is likely to cause you some headaches.

But how do you get a handle on your household’s health when daycare is non-negotiable, and everyone is always busy? There are a few easy hacks to help families with young children get a grip on their runny noses.

Food and exercise

Strengthen your child’s immunity by making sure they get plenty of sleep and physical activity and are eating a balanced diet. School-aged children require around 11 hours of sleep every night, whereas pre-schoolers require around 13 hours. Studies have shown that children’s sleep recharges them cognitively and physically. Sleep aids in development, cardiovascular health, weight management, infection prevention, increased attention spans, and learning. Children should also be encouraged to run and play outdoors in the fresh air as much as possible. Limit screen time by rather playing board games with your youngsters. Supplement your child’s diet with fruit rich in vitamin C (oranges, tomatoes, green peppers) and an age-appropriate multi-vitamin.

It’s the air we breathe

Bianca Leonard, marketing manager of air treatment specialist Solenco, says that while clean air is crucial for people of all ages, children are particularly vulnerable to pollution and the general quality of the air we breathe. Ultrafine particles (or PM 2.5) are the most toxic pollutants in the air, primarily released through sources like vehicle engines, fireplaces and coal or natural gas-fired power plants. These easily inhaled particles pose the greatest health and can penetrate deep into the lungs.

“Taking simple steps such as purchasing an air purifier and installing it in your child’s room can drastically decrease or remove pollutants and irritants that may move into your child’s lungs,” says Leonard.

“Humidifiers will help sick children recover quicker as the moist air will soothe dryness and sore tissues at the back of the throat, relieving a dry cough and loosening the build-up of mucus.”

“A dehumidifier is great for homes with excess moisture in the air, where balancing humidity levels will go a long way in limiting the spread of allergens and harmful particles caused by mites and mould that thrive in moisture,” says Leonard.

Wash your hands

The COVID-19 pandemic has made everyone hyper-aware that germs love our hands. It’s been said before but we’ll say it again: the handwashing techniques we all learnt during the pandemic are equally important for your child. Keep reinforcing that. Also, teaching kids to ‘dab’, or sneeze into their elbow, is a good one to start with. Alcohol-based hand sanitiser can also fill in when they’re at the park or at the mall when a sink is not available.

August 11, 2022 0 comment

Advice

Mucus matters

by Editor July 26, 2022

written by Editor

Trouble breathing? Not sure what to do when the stringy, gooey stuff turns colour? Ask your pharmacist for mucofizz 200 – a new mucolytic medicine just launched by Pharma Dynamics.

Nicole Jennings, spokesperson for Pharma Dynamics says as we head into the winter season, an overproduction of mucus causing bothersome symptoms like a runny or congested nose, coughing, sore throat and headaches are bound to surface.

“Your lifestyle and environment also play a role in the production of mucus,” she says. “These include allergens, like pollen, hot, spicy food, dairy products, certain medications, smoking or pollution. Even a dry, indoor environment can be a contributing factor.”

Although mucus and phlegm are both sticky substances produced by the body, they are not the same. Mucus is a thinner secretion that originates from your nose or sinuses, while phlegm is thicker and is produced by the throat and lungs.

Jennings says mucus plays an essential part in our immune system as it acts as a lubricant, which moisturises the tissues in our body and allows us to do things like swallow, blink and clear our bowels.

“It also traps unwanted bacteria, viruses and allergens from entering our bodies and flushes them out. Mucus also fights against infection by facilitating the movement of antibodies or white blood cells to sites of infection and it regulates the body’s microbiome. Although, excessive mucus production can be a bother.

“This is where mucolytics, like mucofizz 200 can help. It works by breaking down mucus in the airways and lungs, allowing you to breathe more easily.

“Its active ingredient, acetylcysteine, thins the mucus to make it easier to cough up. It can be taken by dissolving a tablet in a glass of water and drinking it either with or after a meal.

“It can be used for respiratory conditions, which typically cause thick or excessive mucus, as well as cystic fibrosis,” she says.

But what do you do when mucus changes from white to yellow or green?

“When mucus is thin and clear, it’s healthy, but when it changes colour it’s time to see a health care professional.”

Here’s Jennings’ advice:

• Yellow mucus is a sign of illness.

• Green mucus is an indication of infection. The mucus appears green because it contains neutrophils, white blood cells that release a greenish enzyme when fighting infections.

• Blood-tinged or brown mucus is common with upper respiratory infections. The inside of your nose may become irritated and tiny veins may burst from all the blowing. Having a small amount of blood in your mucus is normal, but excessive bleeding is not!

You should consult your doctor when:

· You’ve had excess mucus for more than four weeks.

· Your mucus is getting thicker and increasing in volume.

· You have a fever.

· You have chest pain.

· You’re short of breath.

· You’re coughing up blood.

· You’re wheezing.

Next time you have excess mucus, try mucofizz 200. It comes in a tasty orange flavour, is sugar-free and can be taken by adults, adolescents and children over the age of two.

mucofizz 200 is an over-the-counter medicine (which means it can be purchased without a prescription) and is available from any leading pharmacy.

July 26, 2022 0 comment